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Apr 10 2012

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Porn and Cannabis are Ruining our Sex Life – Coleen Nolan’s Advice Column

I’ve thought about leaving my husband for a number of reasons, the main one being he won’t make love to me

My husband uses porn and cannabis

My husband uses porn and cannabiS – Getty

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been with my husband for six years, but for the past two years I’ve thought about leaving him for a number of reasons, the main one being he uses porn and won’t make love to me.

I’ve tried to solve this by being understanding, patient and instigating sex more often, but knowing that he prefers porn to sex with me has not only left me cold, but stripped me of what little self-esteem I had left.

Despite being 40, my husband also uses cannabis regularly and left his job recently because he was unhappy, which also means I have to nag him to get out of bed and find work. I also do the lion’s share of the household chores, even though I work full time.

I gave him an ultimatum that I’d leave unless he sorted himself out, so he booked expensive marriage guidance sessions, but all they focused on was the sex side of things, ignoring all the other issues.

Recently he tried to blame my son, 19, who has learning difficulties, for a stash of porn films in our bedroom.

Another time, a few years ago, my son came home from school and saw a naked woman running from the bathroom at the top of the stairs.

My husband just laughed it off, saying my son must have mistaken him for a woman. However, my son says he’s sure that it was actually a woman.

My husband is charming and educated, but behind closed doors he behaves like a lazy teen with no responsibilities.

Coleen says..

I think you’ve reached a point where you’re so low that everything he does now is irritating. Porn is an issue in a lot of households because more often than not, women and men have different attitudes towards it.

I get why it’s more upsetting for you because you’re not having sex with your husband. I don’t think your husband’s cannabis habit can be doing anything to improve sex between you either. You should talk to him about it.

It seems like he’s stopped making an effort. As for the woman on the landing, that worries me. I don’t think there’s any way your son would mistake his dad for a woman.

If you’re genuinely unhappy and serious about leaving, get some legal advice and let him know you’re doing it.

And why not go and stay with a friend or family – there’s nothing like walking out with a suitcase to show you’re serious.

EDITORIAL: Desi Divine says:

Dear Sexually Frustrated,

Your husband is suffering from p*rn addiction. He needs immediate help so those expensive counseling sessions are invaluable if you want your relationship back. You will also find that most issues within relationships will smooth out once the s*x life is back up and running right. So don’t take the fact that the sessions are all about s*x as unproductive. Look at your own question above. You want s*x in your life again. You know it will make things better. Go with what the therapist is working on for now and if you’re both really into making this relationship work, you’ll be spending time in each others arms again

If he’s not really into getting help, realize it and move on. S*x addiction has no easy fix so don’t waste time and energy on fruitless projects!

Good luck,
Desi Divine

 

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